I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
