i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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