grandma shit on top of the toilet
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
