And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I could fuck to npr.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
