Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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