I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
