what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
