Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
