I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
