The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
