the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
