So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
