Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
COCAINE IS GR8
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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