i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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