My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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