i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
