He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
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somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
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In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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