On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
