I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
