he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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