That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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