I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
