u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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