Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You took a bar mat shot.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
