She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
