I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It's just like the Real World with babies
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
