Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
