He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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