In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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