I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
