Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
