dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
