i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
