I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
