saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
