i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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