i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
