Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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