youre lurking in front of me
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
