I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
