***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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