is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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