you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
