Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize