I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize