she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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