I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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