Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
