You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
