I'm gonna have a badass scar
I want to stick my p in your. b.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
