I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
