Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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