I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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