his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Randomize
