A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
