I accidentally had phone sex last night
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
