Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
