Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
