walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
