JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
