love makes seman taste better
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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