I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
