I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
