I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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